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Subspace and Subdrop

Subspace is something you hear about all the time in the scene.  If you haven’t experienced it, then it may be this elusive wonderment of mind altering amazingness.  If you have experienced it, then you know it can take different forms.  It may be a simple state of relaxation, almost meditative, to a feeling compared to an out of body experience.  One thing is important to keep in mind.  You don’t need to experience subspace to enjoy an amazing scene.

So what is subspace anyway?  Subspace can happen due to two different things.  One is pain, or physically, based. It is basically what happens when various chemicals in your body are released during play.  When your body experiences extreme sensations it releases endorphins and adrenaline.  These increase pain tolerance and can induce a floaty, trance-like state of mind.  One thing I like to compare this to is a runner’s high.  It’s the most similar “vanilla” activity I can think of for comparison if you haven’t experienced subspace yet.  Bottoms will commonly compare it to feeling drunk, tipsy, or floaty.

The other type of subspace is more psychologically based.  The bottom may experience this “spacey” feeling upon kneeling at the start of the scene at their Top’s feet, or feeling their Top’s hand grip their hair.  These mental and emotional associations are strong and can cause an instant feeling of relaxation and centeredness.  This is typically a lovely feeling that connects the bottom more strongly with their play partner/Top and helps them relax into the scene.  It can also help a bottom connect more to their submission.

Keep in mind that with either or both types of subspace – the bottom is in an altered state of mind.  This is why I make it a rule to never re-negotiate limits during a scene.  It would be equivalent to asking someone to have sex while they’re drunk who had previously said no.  Also it’s important to understand that because their pain tolerance is hightened, the Top should maintain awareness of how hard they go with play.

Now.  What goes up, must come down.


Once the body has pushed these chemicals into your system, they must eventually regulate.  When play is done the body stops releasing extra endorphins, etc and the body’s more regulated system kicks in.  The immediate indication of this is typically a decrease in body temperature and a more trance-like state of mind.  This is why you will see bottoms in aftercare wrapped in a blanket and looking disconnected.  Drop is one reason that aftercare is so important.  However, drop can happen hours or days after the scene has ended.

Symptoms of drop are similar to mild depression.  The bottom may feel lethargic, sad, moody, irritable, confused, etc.  This is why it’s a good idea, as a Top, to check in with your bottom for a few days after your scene.  For most people drop will resolve itself. However, some things can also help if you’re having a difficult time.  Getting a little exercise can help tremendously – even just a short brisk walk.  I like to include some dark chocolate (but who doesn’t like an excuse to have a little chocolate?!).  You can also do things like meditation or journaling.  Bubble baths, music, favorite movies, a good book or just a good night sleep are all wonderful ideas as well.  Having friends to talk to is another extremely helpful tool.  Keep a support network around you.  If you know your Top may not be as available in the day or two after play then have a couple friends on hand you can talk with instead.  With these things and people in place – you should be back to your normal self in no time!

2 thoughts on “Subspace and Subdrop

  1. My wife and I are new to the bdsm world after being married for close to 20 years. She coaxed me (ouch, twist my arm!) into some light bdsm, her being a bottom. Great time!! Problem is when she drops she goes into a severe depressive state. The only way to get her out of it is to give her more orgasms. She exercises, eats chocolate, light alcohol sometimes, we cuddle, to make it short we’ve researched, and done most things suggested. I wish I could devote all my time to making her balanced, but it seems like she is lacking a chemical in her body. Any suggestions?

    1. I apologize for the delayed response – perhaps getting a check up with a doctor which includes a hormone panel and blood work. Beyond that it sounds like you are doing the right things. Only thing I would add is to make sure there is plenty of aftercare post play. Hope that helps and I hope you get it worked out because it sounds like you two are having fun! 🙂

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