Causes of Emotional/Psychological Triggers During Play


Triggers are things that should be acknowledged in a relationship and are one of the things we look at especially when we are going to play.  This article can’t cover all the specific triggers you may or may not have, however, it will cover what various things can cause a trigger.  You can be triggered in a positive way as well – which is lovely and not in need of an article!  🙂  Unfortunately most triggers are discovered because they happen during play.  If this happens, whether you continue the scene or not, it is something to discuss and process – and then add to your future negotiations.  The following are examples in each category and certainly not an all inclusive list.

TYPE OF IMPLEMENT/PLAY – You may be triggered by  specific implement or type of play.  Maybe your punishment as a child was being hit with a belt.  For many it’s a fetish and for some with a similar story, they may have turned it around into an enjoyable experience.  However, if it creates a bad association for you, then it’s a trigger.  Perhaps you were assaulted in the past and now a scene that includes “consensual non-consent” floods you with those awful memories.

POSITIONING – Being tied to a cross may not be a big deal, however, if told to take a spanking in the “diaper” position (basically laying on your back and pulling up your knees, similar to a baby getting a diaper change) you feel humiliated, and not in a sexy way.

PART OF BODY – There may be one or more places on your body that you don’t want touched, exposed or impacted.  Sometimes this is because it just makes you angry if it happens and takes you out of your headspace.  Sometimes there is a certain body part(s) that is linked to trauma or bad memories, etc.

WORDS – There are words that can trigger negative feelings.  I might be really into sexual humiliation, yet if you call me fat or stupid (or the equivalent) I will be triggered.  Being called certain tites/names can also be a trigger.

SOUND – The best example for this that I’ve seen is a Veteran having a PTSD response to someone cracking a whip.  It could also be something as simple as a specific song.

SMELL – Our sense of smell is largely connected to our memories.  You may be triggered by a certain type of cologne/perfume, cleaning products, lotion, etc.


Nothing is silly or unimportant.  If it triggers you negatively PLEASE incude it when you negotiate your scene.  Your Top will appreciate it!




Subspace and Subdrop

Subspace is something you hear about all the time in the scene.  If you haven’t experienced it, then it may be this elusive wonderment of mind altering amazingness.  If you have experienced it, then you know it can take different forms.  It may be a simple state of relaxation, almost meditative, to a feeling compared to an out of body experience.  One thing is important to keep in mind.  You don’t need to experience subspace to enjoy an amazing scene.

So what is subspace anyway?  Subspace can happen due to two different things.  One is pain, or physically, based. It is basically what happens when various chemicals in your body are released during play.  When your body experiences extreme sensations it releases endorphins and adrenaline.  These increase pain tolerance and can induce a floaty, trance-like state of mind.  One thing I like to compare this to is a runner’s high.  It’s the most similar “vanilla” activity I can think of for comparison if you haven’t experienced subspace yet.  Bottoms will commonly compare it to feeling drunk, tipsy, or floaty.

The other type of subspace is more psychologically based.  The bottom may experience this “spacey” feeling upon kneeling at the start of the scene at their Top’s feet, or feeling their Top’s hand grip their hair.  These mental and emotional associations are strong and can cause an instant feeling of relaxation and centeredness.  This is typically a lovely feeling that connects the bottom more strongly with their play partner/Top and helps them relax into the scene.  It can also help a bottom connect more to their submission.

Keep in mind that with either or both types of subspace – the bottom is in an altered state of mind.  This is why I make it a rule to never re-negotiate limits during a scene.  It would be equivalent to asking someone to have sex while they’re drunk who had previously said no.  Also it’s important to understand that because their pain tolerance is hightened, the Top should maintain awareness of how hard they go with play.

Now.  What goes up, must come down.


Once the body has pushed these chemicals into your system, they must eventually regulate.  When play is done the body stops releasing extra endorphins, etc and the body’s more regulated system kicks in.  The immediate indication of this is typically a decrease in body temperature and a more trance-like state of mind.  This is why you will see bottoms in aftercare wrapped in a blanket and looking disconnected.  Drop is one reason that aftercare is so important.  However, drop can happen hours or days after the scene has ended.

Symptoms of drop are similar to mild depression.  The bottom may feel lethargic, sad, moody, irritable, confused, etc.  This is why it’s a good idea, as a Top, to check in with your bottom for a few days after your scene.  For most people drop will resolve itself. However, some things can also help if you’re having a difficult time.  Getting a little exercise can help tremendously – even just a short brisk walk.  I like to include some dark chocolate (but who doesn’t like an excuse to have a little chocolate?!).  You can also do things like meditation or journaling.  Bubble baths, music, favorite movies, a good book or just a good night sleep are all wonderful ideas as well.  Having friends to talk to is another extremely helpful tool.  Keep a support network around you.  If you know your Top may not be as available in the day or two after play then have a couple friends on hand you can talk with instead.  With these things and people in place – you should be back to your normal self in no time!